What do your friends think of you when you criticize others in front of them?

Expressing frustrations to a friend might seem beneficial, but it doesn't necessarily alleviate anger. Additionally, this behavior may draw your friend's sympathy, though that's not always the case.

This is demonstrated by a study conducted by a team of psychologists from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). According to their findings, this practice can strengthen friendship bonds, but only if done subtly and without apparent aggression.


As part of their research, the psychologists observed that people listening to a friend complain about a third person felt closer to the complainant. They also tended to like the criticized person less. However, this positive effect only occurs if the complaining friend avoids disparaging or appearing aggressive towards the person targeted. This suggests that complaining could be a social strategy to win a friend's affection, although it might not be immediately perceived as such.

Lead researcher Jaimie Krems points out that this study challenges the once popular idea of Freudian catharsis, which suggested that venting reduces anger. On the contrary, since the 1950s, it has been shown that venting does not alleviate anger and may even amplify it. Jaimie Krems and her team tested a new hypothesis: the idea that complaining might serve to strengthen social alliances.

During their experiments, the researchers asked participants to listen to stories where a friend complained or criticized another friend. The results showed that participants preferred the friend who was complaining to the one being criticized, but only in situations where the complaint didn't seem aggressive. Otherwise, the opposite effect occurred: participants preferred the subject of the complaint.

The researchers caution against the potential effects of this social strategy. If the person complaining is perceived as aggressive or chooses their subject or audience poorly, the results can be counterproductive. Jaimie Krems emphasizes that this friendly rivalry is not necessarily conscious. However, it can have significant repercussions on the quality and durability of relationships.

The study sheds new light on how people interact within friendships. As loneliness becomes a growing concern, understanding these dynamics can help better navigate social relationships. Krems notes that friendships, often perceived as harmless, can sometimes contain underlying elements of competition.